futaille | Open Post: La savate et le chausson

Much to his satisfaction, Grantaire has been able to keep up with many of his hobbies unabated during his time at the mansion. Not all of them, though, mostly because they were ones he'd go to specific spots for, and with those spots not being here in addition to an abundance of his other hobbies, they more or less fell by the wayside.

However, a recent chat with Dionysus has reminded him that he has very much neglected his 'hitting things' level. Although he didn't find a crash test dummy, the thought being on his mind ended up in him stumbling upon a small gym tucked away, complete with some equipment including a standing punching bag.

So he's discarded his waistcoat and cravat over a bench and is practicing his savate¹.

¹French kickboxing! During R's time it was basically for streetfighting, and just beginning to get formalized, but there are some cool vintage videos on youtube (Here and here) to give the... vibe.

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From:

sagramore

"Right. So we've got a name for our paint." Sagramore stands up, one hand on his hip, and affects his snotty Aziraphale accent. "And how much will the young master want of this bespoke blend? An ounce? Two ounces? I warn you, sir, it does cost a pretty penny."

From:

futaille

He smothers an amused smile. "I'm sure it does, but it's a commission for the church itself, so I'll need the lot. I'll have to pay somehow."

From:

sagramore

"Oh, you've no choice," he agrees. "Only the finest things for His Divinity. Are you painting the church doors?"

From:

futaille

"I am. I've been commissioned."

From:

sagramore

"Ah, a real honor! You must have a remarkable talent to have been chosen."

From:

futaille

"Enough to be selected, I suppose. I don't know how wide a net was cast in the search."

From:

sagramore

"I'm sure they did a thorough survey. They wouldn't just pick two idiots out of a mansion and entrust them with a religious painting."

From:

futaille

"Of course not. Who would do such a thing?"

From:

sagramore

"Surely no one's that careless."

From:

futaille

"And anyone who did happen to be that careless would not be given leave to make decisions."

From:

sagramore

"Absolutely not! That would be unthinkable, and very upsetting to boot."

From:

futaille

"Entirely! It's good to have that settled."

From:

sagramore

"Right, then. All I need is your firstborn child, or a voucher for same, and you can take this fine bottle of paint off for your commission."

From:

futaille

Grantaire thinks this over. "For the purpose of this transaction, I would need the definition of 'firstborn child'."

From:

sagramore

"Really? That's not self-explanatory?"

From:

futaille

"This is a contract. It's best to be precise. For instance, I don't think I have any children at present, but what if unbeknownst to me, there is some toddler running around Paris that I'm unaware of?"

From:

sagramore

"All right, I see. You want to know whether I can collect your firstborn here, or whether I'll be left unpaid because I can't get out to Paris."

From:

futaille

"Exactly. Of course, if it's firstborn at the mansion, that's easier to attend to, but that would also be negotiating on behalf of whoever the other parent proves to be as well, and that seems unjust."

From:

sagramore

"'Whoever'? You've got absolutely no thoughts about who the other parent might be?"

Unfortunately, this train of thought immediately leads him to the single memory he has of, as Magnus so succinctly put it, Evil Twin Day, and he needs to move it to a different track immediately.

From:

futaille

"I have no particular thoughts toward having children at all, in truth." It's hardly that he dislikes children, but he also very much does not consider himself parent material. "Which of course begs the question of what happens if there is no firstborn child, and you remain unpaid?"

From:

sagramore

"That's a very good point," and a very good distraction. "What can we categorize as a child that isn't a child?"

From:

futaille

"Art, I suppose, but the chance for the firstborn in that case is well out of reach. So I'd have to learn to create something that I haven't made before."